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Self-Compassion Is Not Selfish: A Journey of Transformation
Welcome to an in-depth exploration of inner healing, self-discovery, and the life-changing power of self-compassion. Based on the transformative conversation between host Ken Primus and his guest, Megan, on the “Threads of Enlightenment” podcast, this blog post invites you to walk alongside their stories, embrace your own journey, and discover how self-compassion is not only not selfish—it’s essential.
Table of Contents
Introduction: A Journey Worth Honoring
Every story deserves to be honored, and every journey shapes us. In the words of Ken Primus:
“The journey is a powerful creator. It has created the individual in front of us.”
Megan, the guest of this interview, has walked a winding road: through childhood pain, striving for perfection, disconnection, heartbreak—and finally, into a life of self-awareness, compassion, and the profound ability to serve others.
This is a story about learning to honor the time we’ve been given, to find insight through hardship, and to light the world by embracing our authentic selves.
The Value of Time and the Power of Our Journey
Ken begins each episode by welcoming his guests as holders of two precious things: their time and their journey. Both are non-renewable resources that, when spent intentionally, reveal who we really are.
“24 hours has been offered to every one of us. What you do with time will tell me much about you.”
“Threads of Enlightenment” doesn’t rush. It recognizes the weight and meaning of each story, knowing that no two are alike. Megan’s journey, like yours, is unique—and it’s from this place of honoring our own paths that true enlightenment begins.
How Do You Serve Mankind?
A hallmark of this podcast is a simple but deep question:
How do you serve mankind?
Megan’s answer is not about what she does for a living, the credentials she’s earned, or even the people she’s helped. It’s about living in her fullest expression:
“I serve mankind by living my fullest expression, by using the exploration of self to better connect to myself in such a way that I bring out who I authentically and truly am in a way that feels absolutely extraordinary. When that light turns on and it’s shared with other people, that is when I am most in service.”
This sets the stage for everything that follows. To serve others, we must first learn to connect deeply with ourselves.
The Early Days: Family, Foundations, and First Wounds
The All-American Family and Sudden Upheaval
Megan grew up in what many might call the “all-American” family: middle-class, religiously influenced, and initially stable. But at the age of 10, everything changed. Her parents’ divorce wasn’t just an event—it was an earthquake that fractured her sense of safety and shaped her internal script for decades to come.
Becoming the “Healer” as a Child
Megan shares candidly:
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She lived in a home shadowed by her father’s alcoholism.
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The divorce brought a strange mix of relief and an overwhelming sense of responsibility.
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As a child, she felt it was her job to “heal” her parents and fix the brokenness—which, of course, was never truly hers to fix.
From these early lessons sprang deep patterns:
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Taking on oversized responsibility
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A persistent feeling of futility—believing she couldn’t make a real difference
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Learning that emotions were “dangerous” and best hidden
She remembers never seeing her mother cry, learning that the same stoicism was necessary for survival. Yet, many years later, during her own divorce, Megan learned just how powerful and useful emotions could be.
“They give you a lot of data about yourself. But coming out of that, it was a long journey…from a child age 10 until age probably 40 is when I started really delving into this journey and making sort of overhauling my life.”
Adulthood: Chasing the ‘Perfect’ Program
Checking the Boxes, Missing the Meaning
Like many, Megan’s young adulthood followed “the program”: graduate, get a stable job, partner up, maybe have kids, buy a house, inch toward retirement.
“I started checking all the boxes I possibly could to make sure that I was doing it right, that I was doing it the way that they said that led to success.”
She easily ticks the resume milestones: university, titles, promotions—even a move to Europe. But none of it delivers the deep fulfillment she’s craving. The boxes are checked, but the emptiness lingers.
Switching Careers, Changing Continents, Feeling the Same
She tries different fields:
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International law firm (business development)
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Public sector (service-oriented, nonprofit)
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Even changes continents and relationships
“I literally changed every piece of my life and arrived at the same point. And then it occurred to me that the only other thing to change was myself.”
But no matter how much she rearranges the external pieces, the internal ache remains.
Turning Point: The Birth of Intentional Living
Hitting 40: The Wake-Up Call
Real change arrives not with new jobs, cities, or even relationships, but with a deeper kind of disruption. For Megan, it was the birth of her son at age 40.
“He was a big disruptor in my life and it was beautiful because he forced me to stop being an ostrich, putting my head in the sand and trying to do more and more and more of the same.”
This interruption forced Megan to look inward, to challenge her habits of pleaser, chameleon, and shape-shifter.
“She was giving her all in everything that she did, but she didn’t find that very beautiful. She had worked her way up, she was talented, she was beautiful, but she didn’t see any of that. She didn’t love herself.”
What Does Real Change Look Like?
At the core, Megan realized:
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She needed to lean into the feelings that scared her most
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True love and connection couldn’t be found outside—busyness, accomplishments, or relationships
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They had to be generated from self-acceptance within
She began to ask:
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What are my values?
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What assumptions am I making about life?
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What’s the feeling I want to have at the end of my life?
And most importantly: Are the “boxes” I’m checking leading to those feelings or taking me further away?
“Because they weren’t, I had to get very intentional about designing those boxes for myself, and they led in a totally different direction.”
Practical Self-Discovery: Tools and Turbulence
Seeking, Curiosity, and the Messy Map
Change is not a straight line. Megan describes her journey as “up and down, and all around”—messy, non-linear, and laden with turbulence.
“If you looked at it on a map, you’d be a little confused because it wasn’t in any one direction, and it certainly wasn’t this linear, you know, even line. It was up and down and all around. And I was seeking.”
She emphasizes the power of curiosity—the willingness to keep asking, experimenting, and learning. It’s the act of seeking, not having all the answers lined up, that sets transformation in motion.
“Everything I found in one form or another, creates the constellation that I have now that is so unique.”
Facing the Inner Child, Befriending Inner Voices
One of Megan’s greatest discoveries was how disconnected she had become from herself—a fragmentation that often happens in childhood trauma.
To reconnect, she began with two powerful tools:
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Meeting Her Inner Child:
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She tries to connect with a photo of herself at a particular age.
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This part of her didn’t trust her at first. It took almost a year for any real dialogue to open up!
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Through daily acts—self-comforting gestures, loving words—she gradually rebuilt trust with the wounded girl inside her.
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Getting to Know Her Internal Cast:
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Using “Internal Family Systems,” Megan noticed lots of voices in her head (and reassures us that everyone has them, not just her).
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Each voice—from fear to shame to hope—had something to say, and learning to listen to and integrating them was critical in healing.
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Ken’s Dinner with Guilt and Shame
Host Ken shared his unique ritual: literally inviting his emotional “guests” for dinner. He’d cook a meal, set a place for shame, guilt, or fear, and have a conversation with each. Then, he’d thank them for how they’d served him in his journey and send them on their way.
“I would have this literal discussion with my guests. And at the end of that, I would say, thank you so much for where you have brought me to. I’ve got it from here…I have them come back for dinner.”
This playful-yet-powerful practice shows there’s no “right” way to reconnect with your inner self—just keep showing up for the conversation.
The Blossoming of Self-Compassion
How to Love the Inner Child
Building a real relationship with your inner child takes time, patience, and a willingness to try—even if they don’t talk to you for a year.
Ways to connect include:
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Spending time with childhood photos
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Remembering the joys and favorite qualities from your childhood
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Honoring your younger self’s needs, wishes, and gifts
As Megan put it:
“There is a lot of comforting. And some of it’s the physical techniques of literally holding yourself, stroking your hair as a parent would. And some of it’s telling your child what they would need to hear: It’s not your fault. You did your best. You’re beautiful.”
Little by little, as trust grows, something shifts. The authentic qualities of your child self—all the vibrancy, curiosity, and gifts—return, and you can safely start to share your uniqueness with the world.
Building Trust With Yourself
Learning not to abandon yourself—even if it means disappointing others—takes real courage. The journey includes:
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Saying no when you mean no
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Honoring your voice instead of people-pleasing and shape-shifting
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Forgiving yourself for past times you didn’t protect your inner child
“When one begins to express and live from that space, it is power, for lack of a better word. It’s powerful. It’s beautiful as well. And when one is able to be in that space, and that is a beautiful place.”
Karma, Forgiveness, and The Joy of Service
Ken brings in the concept of karma—not as cosmic punishment, but as a gentle teacher that invites us to relate to ourselves (and therefore to others) with more empathy, patience, and forgiveness.
“Karma comes back and visit us based on how we treat others, including how we treat ourselves, and gives us an opportunity to self-correct the journey.”
When we let go, let ourselves truly feel and forgive, we open the door to the real rewards of service: joy and connection. Not the fleeting happiness of checked boxes, but the deep, sustaining pleasure of having lived from the heart.
From Guinea Pig to Guide: Sharing the Lessons
Unlearning, Rebuilding, and Self-Empathy
The first years of transformation, Megan reflects, are about unlearning:
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Old patterns about responsibility, worth, and what makes one “good enough”
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Habits of harsh self-criticism, punishment, and self-denial
Once the old habits begin to dissolve, you’re faced with a blank slate: How do I want to be now?
Here’s where self-empathy comes in big.
Megan describes this journey as a long experiment, trying one thing after another, learning from failure, and—most importantly—practicing self-forgiveness.
“The thing that started to bring it all together, the jewel at the center of it was self empathy, was self forgiveness, was realizing that I could choose to suffer or I could choose to dance through life with joy, and that they are two sides of the same coin.”
This shift—from punishment to compassion—becomes the foundation for her new life, and the source from which she can serve others.
Practices for Self-Compassion
Megan used a combination of tools and teachings, such as:
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Nonviolent communication (“the dance of empathy”)
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Self-attachment theory: learning to sit with, appreciate, and comfort yourself
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Accountability: not hiding from your mistakes, but holding yourself with gentleness as you grow
“When I serve myself, I make my cup full. And when my cup is full whole, then I have boundless energy to serve other people…”
Remember:
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You can only love and help others as much as you love and accept yourself.
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Gentleness, softness, and opening up (instead of “shaping up”) is what creates real change.
Helping Others: Coaching and the Power of Witness
Imposter Syndrome and Your First Client
Even after all her inner work, Megan faced imposter syndrome when she began coaching others:
“I just remember feeling that I needed to give value, that, again, it was an outside sense of responsibility that I needed to heal and fix people. And who was I? I couldn’t heal and fix myself even at that time. So who was I to think I could heal and fix them?”
But as her work deepened, she realized:
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There’s nothing to “fix” in someone else (or yourself!)
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Sharing your story, being authentic, and simply witnessing another’s story provides tremendous power and safety.
She learned to flip the narrative:
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“Trying to get rid of the trauma” is replaced by welcoming it, embracing it, and learning from it.
Transformation: True Change in Someone Else
One of her clients reflected her own journey—constantly hopping from company to company, afraid to pursue her real passion, and terrified of disappointing her family.
Through coaching:
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This client gave herself the sense of belonging she couldn’t find in others.
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Megan acted as a mirror: showing unconditional acceptance, witnessing her growth, and holding her accountable out of care, not critique.
“They feel possible, and then they have inside them everything they need to use to move forward the way that they want and create a life that feels as extraordinary inside as it looks outside.”
That is the real magic of coaching: Creating a safe space where true transformation is not only possible but inevitable.
A Message to the World: You Are Worthy
If Megan had a single message to broadcast to the world, it would be this:
“They are worthy just as they are. Not for what they do, not for what they have, but just as they are. That’s it.”
No one needs to earn their worth by performance, by pretending, or by pleasing others. You don’t need to fix yourself before you can love yourself—or before you can serve.
You are worthy, right now.
The Invitation: Start Your Journey
If any of this rings true for you, consider these practical invitations:
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Have Dinner with Your Emotions: Like Ken, treat guilt, shame, fear, or sadness as honored guests, and have a conversation with them.
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Connect with Your Inner Child: Take out an old photo, remember what made you come alive, and gently start to reparent yourself.
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Get Curious: Ask yourself why you do what you do. Experiment, try things, and don’t worry about the map being messy.
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Practice Self-Compassion: Hold and comfort yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing better before.
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Reach Out for Guidance: Find a coach, counselor, or friend who can act as a trustworthy mirror—a witness to your journey.
“You are precious. You are one of a kind. You are an endangered species. Come sit down with one that has gone through 26 miles on her with her face on the ground eating that pavement, as she says. And she has learned all of those little potholes that will keep you from getting to where you want to be and need to be.”
Key Takeaways & Next Steps
Here’s a summary of the wisdom embedded in Megan and Ken’s conversation:
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True healing starts with self-connection—not more achievement or busy-ness.
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Curiosity and seeking open the door to transformation.
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Self-compassion, not self-punishment, is the path to wholeness and makes you available to help others.
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You’re allowed to create your own “boxes” to check—ones that line up with your deepest values.
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Real change isn’t linear; turbulence is part of the growth.
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You are worthy, lovable, and enough—right now.
Connect and Continue
Ever feel like you’re ready for a guide? Someone who’s walked the long road, knows the dark places, and now stands ready to walk with you? Megan is one such guide.
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Reach out.
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Try the practices.
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Join the community.
Threads of Enlightenment is here to remind you: Your journey, your pain, and your healing matter. And you’re not alone.
For more resources, connection, and stories, follow Threads of Enlightenment on Facebook and Instagram. And don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
“There’s much freedom there and there’s someone that needs some answers that you have and they’re waiting for you to come. So go get there, rush and become whole, as they say.”
Thank you for walking this path with us. Stay kind—first to yourself, and then to the world.
“Self-compassion is not selfish. It’s your greatest act of service—to yourself, and, ultimately, to everyone you’ll ever meet.”
